Summary
While there are so many things one can do to live a happier life like getting a promotion, starting a business, buying your first home, etc., there are simple daily actions one can do that can have a tremendous impact on one’s well-being and happiness. I would like to share them here with you.
- Do Not Complain
- Do Not Compare
- Do Not Criticize
- Do Not Condemn
Related Topics
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Do Not Complain
People complain all the time. I complain. It’s human nature. We tend to focus on the negatives more than the positives. We can receive 90 good things and ten uncomfortable ones, and we focus on the ten uncomfortable ones. While I am not saying that we do not improve the ten negatives, I do think we should contemplate the good things more than the negatives.
Several months ago, in early April 2017, I was having severe headaches; I was throwing up, and I felt weak. I was in pain. I was admitted to the emergency room, and after a cat scan, the emergency doctor said he saw a spot in my brain. They thought it was a blood clot. I panicked, and I was perturbed that if it was an aneurysm, I could die in a matter of hours. I immediately texted my wife and made sure to remind her where to retrieve all the passwords to our financial accounts (insurance, investments, etc.).
While waiting for the next detailed MRI scan, I started praying (I am a spiritual person). I noticed that in my contemplation, it was the only time that I was genuinely showing appreciation for the bounteous life I have lived. I was thankful for my experiences on earth, my family, my friends, and all other blessings I received. It made me at peace with myself knowing that if I die, I was able to live a fruitful life (apparently, I am still alive, and it’s been almost a year now and haven’t had the headaches since then). So, choose to be happy by looking at the positives now, and not when you are in distress. I promise that as you always look for the positives in life now, you will be happier each day.
Do Not Compare
We are all too familiar with this phrase: “Keeping up with the Joneses or Smiths.” When your happiness depends on external influences, you give up the freedom to choose for yourself, and it leads to a sad life. When we first moved to NYC, and I started my first job, I felt insecure because as I looked at my colleagues, I felt like I had very little to offer compared to what they had to offer. Many of them have roots in the east coast and have been exposed to the financial world since they were young. They knew the culture; they knew the ropes. I had to do something about it, but even when I had progressed, I still felt insecure because I was still comparing myself to them. I expressed this to my manager and his wise advice was:
“Stop worrying about your colleagues and pay attention to what you are naturally gifted in doing. Focus on your strengths. Although you will be benchmarked against your colleagues, what truly matters at the end of the day is how you feel about yourself, whether or not you have executed against the goals you set out to do in the beginning.” I thought about his words that night, and it profoundly impacted me.
I found this beautiful quote from Suzy Kassem: “Whatever your passion is, keep doing it. Don’t waste time chasing after success or comparing yourself to others. Every flower blooms at a different pace. Excel at doing what your passion is and only focus on perfecting it. Eventually, people will see what you are great at doing, and if you are truly great, success will come chasing after you.” In life, there is no such thing as a perfect “apples to apples” comparison.
Hence, one should only evaluate themselves against their own yardsticks. Ever since then, I solely focused on things I could control and never compared myself to others. I became much happier. I grew more confident about myself that I can always achieve what I set out to do in life.
Do Not Criticize or Judge
The moment you start judging or criticizing others (making a judgment of situations, however, is different, and you can to some extent evaluate scenarios), you have immediately debased yourself.
I remember a story about a man and his kids riding on a subway heading home. The kids were young – one was a toddler, and the other was five years old. They were misbehaving. The father, however, appeared unaffected by the children’s behavior, and as a result, the passengers started getting annoyed by the situation. Eventually, one of the passengers confronted the father and told him that if his kids didn’t behave, he’d shut them up. The father took some time to respond to the man. Contritely, the father answered: “I am so sorry about this. We are just lost right now. My wife just passed away giving birth to our youngest daughter who also died.” The man’s perception of the father changed — one from an irresponsible person to one who needed help and special consideration.
A similar experience happened recently to me. My daughter who is now ten years old woke up one morning a few days ago complaining that she can’t find her brush and bag. Angrily, she said: “Mommy is not helping me find them. She does not seem to care. She is still asleep!” I reflected on that statement and asked: “Do you know what time mommy slept last night?” “No,” said my daughter. I told her the reason why her mommy slept late was that she had to fold their clothes, and after, clean the kitchen. After that, I didn’t hear another word. She went on her way to prepare her breakfast and helped her younger brother ready up for school.
We often judge what’s on the horizon from the shorelines we are standing. Standing in between us and the horizon is a vast ocean, unexplored. Yet we often make immediate criticisms and/or judgments that don’t usually add much value or happiness to our lives. Before making any objections or judgment, seek a better understanding of your environment. Measure twice, and cut once!
Do Not Condemn or Seek Vengeance
There were numerous stories about the mishaps that happened to many of the settlers or pioneers who moved from the east coast to the west coast of the United States in the early 19th century. One particular story I remember was about the rattlesnakes in the southwest during the late spring and summer seasons. Many people were getting bitten by the snakes. The victims chose to condemn, chase, and kill the snakes. But, doing so made them die first before they could actually get their revenge. One leader said that there are only two choices when confronted with the bite: either chase the snakes or seek redress. It’s so easy to see the answer when the rational mind is intact, but when one is emotionally charged, the decision is not so often obvious. The settlers then realized that it was better for them to get medical help than to chase the snakes. Then, after that, they studied the behavior of the snakes. They added paddings on their legs, made traps, and developed tools that would help them counter snake attacks.
The best way to address an insult or injury by others is to focus on getting yourself healed first. From then, find ways to strengthen your position so that in the event you are confronted with the same ordeal, you are better prepared to respond, a response in which you tilt the playing field to your favor. The true measure of how to deal with these types of events is to make sure we are always proactive and prepared for these kinds of events. But, the question is how we do prepare for these things if we haven’t experienced them? This is a separate topic on its own, but the answer lies in heeding wise counsels of people you trust – parents, leaders, coaches, and many other sources like scholarly articles. Others, one will just have to experience.
Action Items
- Focus on what you have. Write down what you have been endowed with
- Create a plan to improve your talents, your finances, your friendships, others
Feel free to share your experiences and thoughts in the comment box. Readers benefit a lot from everyone’s input.